From Linux with love

An old gamer just died. As he lived a good life he went to heaven but the Guardian was waiting at the gate and he was upset.
– You cannot pass – he said – You were a good person every day. You helped old ladies cross the streets, you fed homeless cats, you worked hard for your family and you were a loving father and husband. But still, you cannot pass. Every night you became a blood thirsty monster killing instances of code called mobs and burning everything that stood in your way. And murderers go to hell. And haters go to hell.
But the gamer seemed untouched.
– So? – he asked. The Guardian frowned unsure of player’s fate and God’s fairness, then flicked through the book of all knowledge. The sentence he was looking for has been inscribed in small print.
– You will be sent to hell where demons of all destruction will feed upon your body and soul to the end of times – he frowned even more and added – though, you’re granted three wishes.

~giveall

– And the other two?
– I’ll tell you when I’m back.